You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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