as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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