Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
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the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
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got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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