He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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