just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
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You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
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I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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