Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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