im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize