1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize