a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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