Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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