i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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