I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize