somebody snuck up and got me drunk
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my being single is dangerous.
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Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
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If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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