there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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