my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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