Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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