i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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