Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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