He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
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His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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