ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize