She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
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Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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