my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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