We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize