she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize