I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
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He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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