last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
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I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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