either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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