Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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