His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
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No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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