I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
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I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize