i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
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btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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