im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize