I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
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is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
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hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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