I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize