so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
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Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
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Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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