Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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