I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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