So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
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It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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