At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
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He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize