She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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