just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
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What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
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Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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