i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
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I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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