Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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