I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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