I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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