Im at strip club and am horny
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize