I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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