There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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