Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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