If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
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She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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